Sunday, January 18, 2015

It has been awhile...

wellllllpp.. I haven't posted on here in over a month... I guess since I have a new job I don't have the time to post while I am at work anymore.  That is usually when I would make most of my posts.  Things are definitely different right now and I know that they will be for awhile.

 I miss my Dad each and every day and things are just not the same.

I am happy and thankful that I have a new job with an amazing boss and staff but the hours are a little different for me to get used to.  I used to work Mon-Thur 7-3:30 Fri-Sat 3:30-10 and now I work Wed-Sat 11-9 and Sunday 4-8:30 so before I only had one day off but at least I had the evening to do what I wanted.

Now it's hard to even go to the store since I want to sleep in.  I know I will eventually get used to it and if I need to do something just wake up earlier.  I really need to get back into going to the gym...........I know I say this over and over again but I just can't seem to get myself there yet..

Right now I have just been getting home late and enjoying a few glasses of wine to calm my nerves and then sleeping until the next day. Wine of choice - Rex Goliath Pinot Noir and Mark West Pinot Noir lol both delish and smooth...I prefer Mark West but it's a tad more pricey

Hmmm what else?  I do very much enjoy my new job.  Right now I am just starting out hostessing and waitress on Fri and Sat nights.. I just wish I could get a higher pay.... I know I just started out but I hope I can make more an hour soon than I am now.  I have been really active on the restaurants Facebook and trying to promote and bring in as much business as I can... I guess we will just see where this goes and hopefully I can get into the event planning soon.

sooo along with my new job I was thinking I should start planning a little more and look into getting a planner.  Welp along my journey of searching I have fallin into the trap of

Her planners look soooooooooooo amazing! Don't get me wrong they are a bit pricey but it is EXACTLY what I have been looking for!!! I placed my order a few weeks ago and I am hoping it should arrive in a few days!! I am so excited to start planning!  I will definitely do a review of this planner.  Click on here to receive $10.00 off your order!!!

I guess that is all I have to say for right now. I am trying to Stay Strong and live my regular life as much as I can.

Much love!! xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

"Just keep Swimming"

Monday, December 15, 2014


That's the only feeling I have really felt since Thanksgiving...

Lets rewind to a few days before Thanksgiving...
Earlier that week my Dad developed a type of fungal infection in his mouth from the medication he was taking to lower his white blood cells.  It was so bad with blisters that it hurt him even to swallow water so of course he couldn't even eat.  The doctors prescribed him a mouth swish to try to calm down the pain.  This helped a little bit but it was still really painful to him.  He then developed a lot of phlegm in the back of his throat.  *sorry if this is TMI*  There was soo much phlegm that every time he would take a breath I could hear it rattle in throat.  I kept doing whatever I could to try to make him spit it out but with the sores in his throat from the infection it make it difficult.  It also seemed like he was getting fed up and irritated with the situation he would try to sleep it off.

The morning before Thanksgiving I felt something was just wrong and before I went to work I told my Mom she should just take him to the emergency room.  She told me he had to be at the doctors anyways at 8am for a blood test so I knew at least they would look at him then.

Sure enough when they got there for the blood test the nurses said he needed to go straight to the ER.  Of course on this day there was a huge nor'easter coming with 12" of snow likely.... Awesome...

I got to leave work early at around noon and headed to the hospital.  They had told us that he needed to be transported down to the different hospital about an hour away by ambulance..This was because they had better antibiotics there and he could have pneumonia again because they had seen something in his lungs..By this time there was already about 3" of snow on the roads and it was very slippery. We were worried about the ambulance making it there safely with my Dad.  They had told us it would be safer if we just went to see him in the morning since the storm was going to be over by then.  My Dad was in rough shape and very weak, still spiting up as much phlegm as he could, and he could hardly talk...  As he got wheeled away we promised him we would come see him tomorrow and he whispered 'I love you'....

We went home that night feeling worried and lost since we couldn't go to the other hospital with him.  My mom called later that night to check on him and they said he was very sick and they ended up intubating him with a breathing tube (for the 3rd time this year) because it was difficult for him to take breaths..  We were not very happy about this decision because every time they do that it doesn't seem like it is necessary... While he has the tube down his throat he is on the medication Propofol which completely sedates him.

The next morning was Thanksgiving and I had to go into work at the restaurant because there was so many reservations.  I wasn't too worried because I would get out around 3 and then I would drive down to the hospital to see my Dad.  My Sister and Mom were going to go down early and text me how he was doing.  When they got there they had texted me that things didn't look so good...  I kept telling myself that he has been in this situation before and it will be fine like every other time...I just got done serving my first table when the power of the restaurant went out.....right after that my sister called me and said that my Dad was going into cardiac arrest and was in septic shock.  I panicked and didn't know what to do because I was at work and was supposed to help out with the many reservations.  Thankfully it wasn't as busy as we thought it was and I told my boss what had happened.  He told me I could leave and I rushed to the hospital.

After about 45 mins of speeding and crying I finally made it and made my way up to the ICU where my Dad was. I ran in the doors as my sister greeted me and just shook her head and was crying.  I knew then he didn't make it...

My keys fell from my hands as I hugged my Mom and Sister..

At that moment I felt so empty..All I could do was cry...  I felt soo sad that my poor Dad had to go through all he did this past year... I felt that life was so unfair that such a harmless person had to go through what he did.  I wished that a dead beat Dad would have went through this instead of my Dad....It just wasn't fair...

After trying to clear my head a little I asked if I could go in and see him...  He was just laying there with his eyes closed and his new start of peach fuzz hair coming in.  His hands were cold from the circulation but his head was still warm...

I kissed his head and left the room... It was the last time I would ever see my Dad again..

It's so hard to describe the feeling of loosing a parent.  I feel numb.. but yet at the same time I feel like he's still here...  I don't know if it just hasn't hit me yet or has been 18 days and it feels like it was just a few days ago...I know he is not suffering anymore and that he can just let go and not worry about going to doctor appointments one after another.. He doesn't have to worry about going through anymore chemo that dragged him down..He doesn't have to worry about being sick anymore... I know he is still there and I know he is watching over us..

 I am thankful that I still live with my Mom to try to help her keep busy and help her out in any way that I can.  It was also nice that my Sister got to take off a week to spend time at home too.  It all has been a super rough year...I can't say I didn't know that this was going to happen...I just didn't think so soon....

Life sucks and now we just have to learn to live a little differently and always keep remembering that our love ones are not gone...but they are still here watching over us... I will think about and miss my Dad every single day...

I love you Daddy you are my hero forever and always <3


"Just Keep Swimming"

Monday, November 17, 2014

Latest Obsession: Game of Thrones

Ohh lately I have been OBSESSED with watching Game of Thrones.  I never watched it when it was being aired on TV.  I guess I thought it was just a medieval show with tons of fighting and wars which I usually think is super boring....  But oh boy was I wrong....

I started watching it after hearing tons of people say it was one of their favorite shows and after my friend Adrienne told me I had to see it.  I was very skeptical and at first...I first watched 3 episodes and wasn't really into it....  Maybe because I watched it with my Mom in the living room and Game of Thrones there is a lot...a LOT of boobies haha soo it was a little awkward.....

Anyways a few weeks past and I thought I would try watching it again on my laptop..  My Dad likes to watch his cowboy shows until he goes to bed so I don't really watch too much TV..  In the last 2 weeks I have been watching it non-stop. The other day I watched it until 2:30 am and that was 5 hours straight that I had been watching it. haha.  The story lines are just soo good and they always leave you hanging.  There are so many different things going on with each of the characters in the different lands that you NEED to keep watching.  I really can't imagine watching this episode by episode on TV and waiting a whole week to see the next one.  I mean, I will HAVE to when the new season starts and it will be pure torture.

ok so I just want to list some of my favorite characters without giving too many spoilers away to people who have not seen it....if you haven't seen it... YOU SHOULD!! :)

As of right now I am almost at the end of Season 3.


1 -Khalessi is by far my favorite-  First, she is of course beautiful and I would die for her hair..haha I love her boldness, how she has a heart, and of course her dragons.
2 -Another one of my favorites is Tryion-  He may be on the wrong side that I am rooting for but I believe in the end he will make the right decisions.  He is very funny and can get his way out of most things.
3- and of course Jon Snow.  He is so cute and looks like a scared puppy dog most of the time but can be strong when he needs to.

 I can't wait to finish up Season 3 tonight after a nice gym sesh :)

"Just Keep Swimming"

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Full Throttle Bottles

Hellooooo!!! Long time no post :)

Today I want to share with you my boyfriends new Etsy shop!!!  He started creating things out of recycled liquor and wine bottles.  Since I work in a restaurant he can have any bottles that we throw out!  I really like the items he has made so far!  They would be great gifts or decor for any room! Check them out!

Please favorite his shop and items too!!

Don't forget to favorite his items and shop!!!! Thank you!
'Just keep swimming'

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!! Better late than never :)

Oh em gee another post already!!!??
haha....yeah I didn't want to put errvythin in the last post so I am making another one. 
This is about Halloween!!
Soooo this year I wanted to be a fairy!..not just like Tinkerbell because that's boring ...I wanted to be a garden fairy.  I love to make my costumes that way I KNOW no one else is going to have the same costume... and how Matt decides on a costume is he first picks out a hat he likes and basis the costume on that.....can you guess what he is?? huh? huh???
He's Chocolate Moose "Mousse" haha yup he came up with that all buy himself. I thought it was a pretty clever idea...he also made his costume too :)

So way ahead of time I ordered some green contacts knowing I wanted to be a fairy.  These are the ones I got Pinky Paradise.  I love them.  I know my eyes are pretty green to begin with but these gave them that extra round doll look with a bit more of a green pop.
you can see better here..
I then added pointed ears that I had from a long time ago when I worked at a retail store and dressed up as an elf during Christmas shopping time..

My costume was a white dress I had which I brought from Jcpenney a few years ago for like $10. I dyed it green with Rit fabric dye and then glued a bunch of flowers and leaves that I got from Michael's Craft store. and I got my wings from Amazon.  Its kinda hard to see the wings so I will insert a picture here:

I also got some wire from Micheal's and wrapped it with floral tape, then glued ivy leaves to it and wrapped it around my leg like a vine growing up and then made a head crown with flowers.. You kinda can see in the first pic....then I did my eyes with a ton of green and put sparkles and glitter everywhere.. which is kinda hard to tell from the pics, but you get the point and then crimped my hair and Voila a fairy!

Now its time to partyyyy!

They had color changing lighted ice cubes! It was awesome!!
I had a great night!!
Happy Halloween from us, Cody, and the scary pumpkin my mom carved!!

"Just keep Swimming"