I had every intention for this to be an all happy post.....

Finally a little bit of a happier post.... update..

AHHHHH MY SISTER IS ENGAGED! I am so happy for her!! Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 6 years and have been living together for about 5 years.  He is already like a brother to me and he is so good to my sister and would do anything for her.

They both came up last weekend 3 weekends ago and he asked my Dad first and showed him the ring.  Then he showed me and my Mom.  I was so nervous that Kait was gonna know something was up but she had no clue.  It wasn't until a whole week later on Friday that he asked her.

 They have 'their' spot in New Jersey were they carved their name in a tree and they take their dog there to play in a field.  He asked if she wanted to go there to play with Rylee their black lab and to maybe catch the sunset.  She told me she thought it was a little unusual but they go there a lot anyways so she didn't think much of it.  They were playing catch with Ry then all of a sudden he says 'hey did you see the new dog tag I got Rylee?  Go look at it'  She did and one said read 'I love you' and the other side said 'Say Yes'  she looked at him and was like 'HUH?'  Then when she turned around he was on one knee.  SOOOO CUTE!!  I am so happy for them!!

( I found these cute mugs and HAD to get them for my sis and Jeff because they were too perfect)

Now I defiantly have to get stricter and focused with getting healthy and losing weight.  I WILL be the size I want to be for her wedding.. I WILL BE! There are NO if ands or buts about that.  That means losing around 20 lbs.  I neeed to do it for me.  I am just hoping I can make it to the gym for a decent amount of hours a week.  Its so difficult when my dad is sick because I just get worried and want to stay home with him.

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Something else I am extremely happy and excited about is the 50 Shades of Grey trailer!! Holy mackerel I can not wait!  That series is probably the best books I have ever read.  The story is just soo good.  If you haven't read it... DO IT!  It isn't just all about the kinky stuff, there is a really intense story above all of that.  However, I don't really agree with their choices in actors.  I think Christian should have been someone a little more mature looking with darker hair and a more chiseled looking face and Anastasia should have been someone with a more softer younger face.  It is hard to describe the perfect people that I am thinking of.  Nevertheless I am very excited for it to come out in February and I am sure when I see the movie I will adjust to the characters. AHHH

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Here comes the unhappy stuff...

Another happy thing is, my Dad is home from the hospital.  His counts will drop and then recover at home.  It will be a little bit stressful because this is the time that he can get any type of infection so we will have to keep an eye on his temperature.  He will also be visiting our local hospital 3 times a week to get his blood checked because he may need red blood or platelets during this time.  Fingers are crossed everything goes smoothly and this gets the cancer in remission.

Turns out that he had to go back to the hospital because he got another round of pneumonia....  He has been there all week and spent a few days in ICU.  Now he is in a room a step down from ICU where they can still monitor his heart rate, blood pressure, and respiratory rate a lot closer.  Somedays are better than others... He sleeps most of the time because he is weak from the pneumonia and from the 0.0 white blood cells.  He is on heavy antibiotics and we are praying that he pulls through and the infection clears up ASAP.....


This is why I have been MIA for a few weeks.  I wrote this a few weeks ago and it was supposed to be a happy post... ughhhh when will things lighten up for me?! I just seems like everything just gets worse.....

ok that's all for now...im finally posting this..

'Just keep swimming'

When It Rains...It Pours...

Well I am really trying not to make this blog all gloom and doom but for Pete sakes my life is just a crumbled mess right now.....Lets back track to 2 weeks ago where I left off when my Dad was going to see the doctor about his AML coming back...The news he got...wasn't good..

The doctor said there was either another Chemo treatment he could try which doesn't have high success results..or being able to stay home and get transfusions when he needed and a weekly shot to keep the leukemia side effects under control...but this would only give him about 4 months to live...

This news was devastating...  I did not go with my parents to this meeting with the doctor because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle what they were going to say...  They left the office with the doctors telling him that he could decide what he wanted to do.My dad is a fighter and chose to try the chemo but it wouldn't be ready until the following week.

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 That week was really tough for the first few days because we were all ready sad, lost, and not sure really what to do.  It helped that my Sister came home and my Aunt (Moms Sister) from Maryland came up to visit.  It was a nice distraction...

ON TOP of all this sadness...I find out that Wednesday that the company I work for is going to be closing its doors... AWESOME!  My Mom and Dad (when he wasn't sick) also work there too so this was another shock and hit to our family.  This is the source to the money my family makes and on top of all of our health insurance.  Thankfully they are not closing right away but will in a few months.   All I can think is, how can so many bad things be happening to us all at once?!  It is literally like we have a  dark cloud  above our heads.

 

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Jumping forward to this week. My Dad was admitted to the hospital Monday to start his 6 day chemo regimen.  I am trying everything I can do stay calm and strong for him.  The chemo will make his white cells bottom out to 0 so during this time he will be immune to getting any type of infection again.  Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly.  The doctor is letting him go home again after the chemo is done if there are no complications.  Tuesday we heard that the first dose of chemo killed 50% of the white cell blasts.  Which this is really good news!  Lets just hope that the chemo keeps doing its job to get this AML in remission so he can go get the bone marrow transplant.  The bad part is he got sick last night and his tummy has been upset but this is a common side effect from the chemo.

 

I visit him as much as possible and have been leaving work early to be with him longer.  I guess I got to use up my vacation and sick days before I lose them...  A lot of the time he is just falling in and out of sleep because its hard for him to sleep at night.  While he is resting I usually doodle in my sketch book.  Yesterday I grabbed the silver and gold markers I used for my DIY project and doodled on the front...

It looks kinda neat in the sunlight because the markers are metallic.

  

 

  Anyways, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  There HAS to be.

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 Welp, that's all for now....I am sorry these are all unhappy posts but it is what it is and this is my life right now...

 

 

If anyone is willing and able to help our family it would be greatly appreciated...since we will be also losing our jobs soon the money part is going to be even tougher than ever..

http://www.gofundme.com/joekuznik

 

'Just Keep Swimming'

 

 

The 'c' word....

Do I write about this or not?  It's all I can think about and I have so many emotions stirring and the feeling of a tractor trailer on my shoulders...but its not a happy subject............

 

Since my dad had his second round of chemo the doctor let him stay home while his counts drop and recover this time instead of staying in the hospital.  This is because he wasn't as sick as he was the first round and won't need as much medical attention like he did before.  He has been getting blood tests 2-3 times a week and his counts have been going up.  But yesterday my mom texted me saying there was some bad news. I knew it...before she even texted me.  The other day I got the feeling something wasn't right and I tried to push those feelings to the side...  The doctors had found a lot of blasts in his blood..which can only mean one thing...the chemo did not work and the cancer is still there..

 

 I hate that word......cancer......every time I hear it or say it my whole body goes numb and I cringe.  Why does something so awful have to exist?  And lately I feel like it is everywhere....no matter where I go that word haunts me...maybe its just because I notice it more......but it just seems like its e v e r y w h e r e.. there is even a new movie 'The fault in our stars' based from a book about cancer and a new show 'Chasing life' specifically about Leukemia.  I guess it shows what people are going through but I can't handle watching them.  I even hear things about cancer on the radio, on commercials on tv, I drive by and see car washes for fundraisers.... I am NOT saying theses are a bad thing and I know they are helping and making people more aware but geesh...Just when I try to think of something else... BAM there it is again..

 

Anyways my dad is going today to find out what they plan on doing next.  It pains me to see him when he's worried or asking questions about what's going to happen...I know he's scared and I would be lying if I said I wasn't.  I just want everything to go smoothly for him and get back to normal.  He is a very active guy and it's hard for him to lay around all day... I know more chemo or having to go back in the hospital is going to upset him more.

 

It is so hard not to be upset and worried..but like my Mom reminded me the last time it came back.. I didn't get my tattoo for nothing. "Stay Strong"  Every time I am upset I look at it and try to stay strong for my Dad.  I don't want him to see me upset because I know that makes him feel bad...

 

No matter what they say what the next step is..we will get through it...My dad is a fighter and my hero.. I believe we can win this fight.. 

 

 

Well I can't say this was easy to write and it took me all day because I was trying to fight the tears...  I am posting this because maybe there is someone else out there in the same boat as I am in... I can surely tell you it is not easy...

 

Here is a song that helps me get through some tough times ...Swim by Jacks Mannequin

He has also battled leukemia

 

 

 That's all I got now... I guess its just waiting game to see what happens...

 

"Just keep swimming"